Heather has moved out. That's a-ok. 

i think i'm almost ready to stop calling her my ex, and start calling her my friend. 

There are still feelings to be worked out, as became aparent yesterday (long-ish story), i think things have gone well, and are going well. 

i've broken up w/ women and been broken up w/ from other women, and i guess practice makes perfect. Although there were times which were quite painful and sad and frustrating, i don't think things could have gone much better than they did. 

H and i handled ourselves maturely, with honesty, and with sensitivity. And that took effort, for sure. 

And i think i mentioned this before, but allow me to reiterate. I think H made the right decision in breaking up with me. At the time, i felt she made the right decision for her, but not for me. And that's ok. But now i think she made the right decision all round. Because if she were to tell me tomorrow that she realized it was all a big mistake and that we should still be together, i know i couldn't accept it, and that i wouldn't want to work it out.

So now, we embark on lives w/out roommates. Working together (which has always gone well, even through difficult parts of our break up). And probably hanging out here or there on the weekends, like when we're too lazy to cook food. Which is often.

Aside. The timing of her moving out is good, since my bro arrives on Tuesday. And my parents will also come stay with me later on in November.

"What is happiness."? Is a continuos personal growth series of talks and open discussions and meditation training. The talks are based on actual teachings, counseling and trainings conducted by Lou(CrazyWisdomYogi)Beaulieu, Meditation Practitioner, Wenham,Ma.

The talks introduce the harmonizing of "Meditation" into one's life. To help with reducing and managing stress more effectively and for overall personal growth and understanding "What is happiness."?

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It's time for me to have a blog of my own. This tribe.net blog has become a really useful tool for me...it gives me an easy outlet to test my ideas and hone my writing skills, and I am so glad that you can all read my words and give feedback and comments. I really admire tribe.net's interface, it is easy to use and elegant. Plus I really love to read your blogs, to have this ongoing window to your worlds. Helps me feel truly connected, to a community not of strangers but of friends. But as tribe becomes less stable I realize that like all things, it too will pass...and I need to preserve my work here, for future fodder and publication in other media. Also, I want my words and images to reach a wider audience of folks who don't necessarily feel drawn to tribe.net. I think they could subscribe to my blog, and/or set up RSS feed to it. So I'm working on cutting and pasting it all out of here for safekeeping, and am ready to launch an independent blog of my own. Any advice? I've been recommended to Wordpress because it is open-source, but there are so many other blog sites. Or I could set something up under my own domain, www.emeraldcity.bc.ca. What do you think? Don't worry, btw, I'm not abandoning dear tribe.net -- it seems to have weathered a fierce storm of technical woe and now has only a few eccentric glitches. My intent would be to feed my new blog to Tribe, so I can still stay connected. Any thoughts on that, do any of you do that too?

In my opinion, this music fest is one of the best things BJ has to offer. 3 days of local indie bands and djs in the sun and smoggy air.  Except that this year 2 of the 3 stages got moved indoors. Oh well.

Aside from the problem that i waited in line for 2 hrs to get in on day 1, it was good to see such a big, hip, and fun crowd. I think it was about... 4% expats.

It's crazy to think that you can get into a well-set up festival with decent soundsystems, a swinging camera video system, and tons of bands for less than $10. So you might think they'd claw back some profits at the bar. But with some bartenders pouring massive unmeasured highballs (redbull vodka, gin and tonic, etc) for $1.40 a hit, i don't know how they managed.  But it makes for a fun festival.

Except that was just this one little problem.

The bands were pretty lacklustre.

Last year Modern Sky was one of the funnest music fests i'd ever been to. But this year, even the bands i really like didn't get me going. Once in a while i could say, "hey that song wasn't so bad!" but not much more. 

Bands which don't impress, kinda impact things like... music festivals. Don't ask me how, but i know it's true.

Also, this year the festival didn't bring in any international acts. Too bad, since the ones they were looking at were Lou Reid and good ol'  anguished but sweet Connor O'berst.

At least the dj stage wasn't half as monotonous as it was last year, but by day 3, i wasn't willing to stick it out late to see the electropunk djs i actually wanted to see.

Well, at the very least it was a nice place to hang out for a few afternoons and evenings. On day 1 i hung out w/ C, my new friend who i met in the art district. On day 2 i hung out with H. And on day three i hung out with... both of them, which was ... happily unweird.

i don't want to overwhelm myself with this post but I am moving on Saturday. It is Thursday now and I am an hour and a half out of another 12 hour day at school.

My body is tired, my brain is tired. TGIF except I think that I will be packing tomorrow night.

It could be a packing party.


Also, I have discovered my new favorite band "Noah and the Whale" -

here are a few lines from the track "Give a Little Love".

Well if you are (what you love)
And you do (what you love)
I will always be the sun and moon to you
And if you share (with your heart)
Yeah, you give (with your heart)
What you share with the world is what it keeps of you


Saturday I will move from apartment 101 in building #1 going to apartment 102 in building #3.

i did read my horoscope this morning.

but what I think that it should have said was:

"plan to stay home today, any attempt at a trip to IKEA will be wrought with more than usual frustration and inconvenience. You will accidentally miss your bus stop after a mind numbing 1 hour and 40 minute ride. You will think "no problem" I will grab the next stop. The bus will drive for an eternity before there is another stop. Through a mass of overpasses and on a bridge over a canal. You will curse your minor accident which has now put you three kilometers from IKEA. You will look around when you finally disembark. There will be no taxi. It will seem silly to go back to the other side of the road and wait to catch the bus back going north. You will walk, you will enjoy the walk. You will stop enjoying the walk when you run out of sidewalk. You will cling to the edge of the road. You will have to weave through a 'park' space, on dried mud trails. The canal and park have an overwhelming sewage stench.
You will try not to get upset, trying to find the most direct route back to your destination. You will start to get a bit hungry. You will wonder how your ipod shuffle knows which song to play, which ones you really want to hear.
You will arrive at IKEA more than three hours after leaving your house. You will head straight for the cafe. Now the shopping adventure begins."


And if I had read this...I probably still would have gone, because I wanted a new quilt cover for the bed in my new apartment.

Though they did not have the proper size of the one I had picked out on the internet, so I bought this one (which is dark blue, but looks black in the photo)

Let me preface this entry with an anecdote.

I was in Nova Scotia. I rode my bike to get groceries. i collected all my items and went to the till line up. Then i got up to the cashier, reached into my pocket and realized i'd forgotten my wallet. Oops. The cashier generously set my stuff aside for me.

So then i had to ride my bike all the way home. Then i watered the plants. Played guitar. And then went back to the store. Went into the line up, reached into my pocket and realized...

i like recounting this story because it's kinda funny and cute. it also describes my absent-mindedness at its best.

But.

i really don't want to be absent-minded anymore. Screw funny and cute. i think i should be a touch more... responsible by now.

i've been thinking about this because the other day i was meeting a friend to go to the Modern Sky Music Festival. She is new to Beijing. She didn't have a cell phone.

So we arranged to meet at a subway stop at a designated time.

i was stressed that i just missed my bus. But then i was happy when the following bus still got me to the station on time. She wasn't there. So i waited for 25 minutes. Then i recalled that she'd mentioned the subway station Fuchingmen, and i went to Fuxingmen. So maybe she meant Fuchengmen, which was 1 stop away. So then i ran around, taking the subway between the 2 stops a couple times.

By then it was 55 minutes later, and she was nowhere to be seen. i figured that was enough so i headed off for the festival.

15 min later i got a phone call. My friend had borrowed someone's phone to ask where i was. "Um, it's after 12:30," she said.

Oops, i had mistakenly been waiting since ELEVEN thirty. Hm. What a lot of totally unnecessary energy and stress spent. Luckily, she was super mellow and understanding about it. A stroke of luck i certainly couldn't expect from others.

This sort of thing happens more frequently than i care to admit. Once i went to a concert and showed up a week early. 

Details craftily evade me. i don't know how, but the sneaky buggers do it. 

My meditation hasn't seemed to help me much in this respect.

I really am at a bit of a loss as to how i can deal w/ this aspect of my personality.It's like the importance of things doesn't always hit home. Do i need to take more notes? Review any and all information?

If anyone has ideas, i'm open.

 

So the split between H and i has been amicable and respectful and honest enough, despite the extenuating circumstances of living and working together and having no friends in this chunk of the city.

Due to the last detail, we had decided to continue to live together so we wouldn't fall into any patterns of isolation. And also we didn't want or need the hassle and complication of divying up all of our crap, also called "laziness."

Now that we're kinda settled bk into work and BJ, i think we're doing ok w/ not feeling isolated. And we have both been making more social contacts. That's good. So despite everyone's comments that it'd be better for us to move out of the same apt, laziness became the main reason i wanted to stay in the apartment. 

But then for reasons i hadn't expected, H decided that it would be best for us to part ways. And the school does have vacant apartments available to us. So i passively concurred that yes of course this is the best thing to do, which it is.

So pbly next wk, H will start packing out. i'll stay put, as my fam is coming out to visit me here.

Also, i admit i'd be happy to find someone new to date also, and livng w/ my ex could complicate things. Is this rebounding? Could be, but frankly it feels exactly the same as large periods of time i've spent single in the past. Maybe not ideal, but whatcha gonna do?

Yesterday was Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year – the year 5769, if you're keeping count. When my mother died 12 years back I tried to go to the synagogue, but the sight of the hebrew words brought tears splashing down onto my prayerbook. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably in the bathroom, face swollen and head aching. I bolted, feeling like I was becoming a spectacle. I've gone again since, once or twice, and exactly the same thing has happened. It hasn't felt cathartic or productive, just painful and confusing. So this Rosh Hashanah I went to the synagogue, for the first time in many years. To honour the memory of my father. To try again to reconnect with that huge part of who I am today, all the blessing and beauty and pain that brought me to this point. To pray. I biked up to Ahavat Olam, for the Rosh Hashana service -- one of the High Holy Days of Judaism. AO is a very progressive synagogue, very environmenally and politically active. The service is in hebrew and english, lots of activists and young people and gay folks involved -- I wasn't prepared to see so many folks I know there from so many places in my life. I remembered this community of blood and spirit that I share, that I had almost managed to forget, or keep pretending to forget, that is still there for me. Has been there for much longer than 5769 years. Of course the moment I entered the room and heard the first baruch atah adonai, I started bawling. Had to do my dash to the bathroom for wads of kleenex. The keening of the shofar, the ram's horn blown to usher in the new year, ripped me apart. But I came back, tried to breathe between the tears. Thinking how much this sucks, how bad it feels, and vowing I will never EVER put myself through this again. But by the time the service ended, with a circle and chanting co-led by the leader of the Ismaili Muslim Youth Choir, I kind of had it together. There was a nice little kiddush with hummous and crackers, cheese and fruit and cake. I dipped apple pieces in honey, and drank sweet wine. In the afternoon I met up again with Rabbi Dave and the crew at the reclaimed quarry in Queen Elizabeth Park for Tashlich, a ceremony I've never done before. Tashlich means "casting away" -- we throw crumbs into the water, to release the year's "sins" (in the old-school interpretation), or in the more contemporary reading, to let go of what is no longer serving, to release old patterns and attachments, and make new intentions. Under the waterfall in the reclaimed quarry in the glorious sunshine, quite a sight and sound, Jews of every stripe singing, laughing, telling stories and praying, from the orthodox davenners in their shawls and tzitzit to the new-skool freestylers with their birkenstocks and bicycles, together to welcome the new day, new moment, new world dawning. So I guess I have no choice really but to go back to Havat Olam, to sit in the back row and cry more. There is that feeling like once I start crying I will never stop, but I sit here in Turks with tears running down my face, I've become a pretty shameless weeper...and maybe at some point, I will be all cried out. It's a new year, all is possible.

I guess it had to happen some day...turned my back for a moment, caught a flash out of the corner of my eye, and... Gone. Simply gone. My baby, my ride...sweet little silverblue nishiki roadbike (and i do mean small). with orange leather duct-taped seat, dirtier than she deserved to be, straight bars and a funny brake accelerator, rear rack and green pannier full of my ratty yet needed raingear. I had her for 2 years, rode her thousands of km, but she came to me with over 100,000 city courier km under her wheels. I gave her new wheels but couriers would still ride up behind me downtown and say hey! isn't that Lana Fox's bike? She was a personality in the bicycle world. I cry to think of her in a shopping cart, trundling through a DTES back alley. I am grateful for all the pleasure she gave me, so much speed and freedom and joy.

i know that I am blessed to have so many people who have been so kind and thoughtful as I am going through a transition in my life.
It is not too bad to break up with a significant other while abroad but I wouldn't recommend it.

Everyone keeps asking how I am doing, and I was just too busy working to even answer that question for myself.

Turns out I want to get my own apartment. Have been thinking that for a few days. Seems I can cry pretty easily these days (but I also chalk that up to overworking)

Seems most of all I would really like a good hug, but I am currently seeking applicants to fill that role in my life.

I have the next 7 days off work, so lots of time to take care of myself and sort some things out.

No moving date yet, but most likely following the holiday.

In a nutshell...

Today, i got to skip out on regular teacher duties to drink tea and learn a computer program.

i sprinted in a relay race.

i peed 10 times.

i bought a ticket to ride the world's fastest train.

My friends painfully convinced a policeman to let me break the rules.

Because i'm a foreigner.

Another police officer went running with me to escort me to a shuttle bus.

A friend asked me if i want to do some nude photography.

It was totally unclear whether it was me posing for her, or her for me.

And i got drunk by myself.

And now... i have seven days off.

Amen, Golden Week.

On a grammar sheet i made, focussing on proper use of 'Because", i asked students why some people might NOT like China.

After clarifying for some adamant students that the question was correct, and no it was not supposed to say "Are there any people who do not like China?" i got these responses.

Some people do not like China because they are not Chinese.
Some people do not like China because people habve prejudice with China.
Some people do not like China because China has bad environment.

but the best...

People not like China? I don't believe!

Grade 1 science is kinda fun. i get to talk about how you can't have babies alone. How males and females must arduously seek one another in order to procreate. i draw lots of cute cartoons and lots of hearts so they get the message.

A handful of kids yell out how Mr Wang and Miss Woodland "mate." And i lamely turned a deaf ear on it, choosing to focus on the smooching fish.

Let's call it a translation issue. Kids also thought that mosquitos "mate" with people since they "kiss" us.

The big rally in Surrey is this SATURDAY, SEPT. 27 -- and we need folks from all corners of the region to come join the fun, support your neighbours, make a BIG NOISE and tell the Province of BC – WE DON'T WANT YOUR TRUCKIN' FREEWAYS! THE GATEWAY PROJECT would be a disaster for ALL OF US, but together we can stop it – and the time to stop it is NOW. Come and bring your family and neighbours to: THE BIG RALLY Saturday September 27, 1–3pm Robin Park, Birdland, Surrey It's easy to get there by SkyTrain...just Google Robin Park Surrey... AND There will be a FREE SHUTTLE BUS from the Gateway SkyTrain Station to the rally, on the half-hour, starting at noon. Please carpool, take transit, or organize buses to the rally if you can. There will be organized bike rides to the Rally – see website for details. FEATURING: The Carnival Band, Lucha Libre Mexican Wrestling, Burns Bog Bouncy Castle, inspiration by community leaders, environmental activists, elected officials, and YOU. Bring signs and banners, costumes and drums, tell your neighbours, bring your family and friends! Download a flyer and poster at www.gatewaytowhat.org, to copy and distribute to your neighbourhood – and check that website for more details. HELP MAKE IT HAPPEN Please help make this event massive and spectactular -- volunteer to help marshal, banner, setup, flyer your neighbours and/or put up posters , distribute cheeky No Truckin Freeways lawn signs , or whatever...contact carmen@wildernesscommittee.org YOU'LL WANT TO TELL YOUR GRANDKIDS YOU HELPED BRING GATEWAY DOWN! See you all out on Saturday, September 27, to witness the historic beginning of the end of Gateway. ...pass it on... FOR RALLY INFO CONTACT Ben West | Healthy Communities Campaigner The Wilderness Committee ben@wildernesscommittee.org w: 604-683-8220 | c: 604-710-5340 | www.gatewaytowhat.org *************************** WHAT IS GATEWAY? The Gateway Project is a massive highway-expansion project being forced on our region by the BC Government. The Project would include a 3-fold expansion of the Port of Delta, a brand-new eight-lane highway (the South Fraser Perimeter Road) to follow the Fraser and cut a swath through our most fertile farmland and living communities, an expanded Highway 1, twinning of the Port Mann Bridge, and more. This is a multi-billion dollar dinosaur scheme that will not reduce congestion. We need transit, rail, and other solutions -- not more freeways-- NOW! FOR MORE INFO ABOUT GATEWAY AND ACTIONS TO STOP IT www.gatewaytowhat.org www.gatewaysucks.org www.wildernesscommittee/gateway www.bridgeviewmatters.ca www.bolivarheights.ca http://sites.google.com/site/lastexitforgateway/

I've had to remind myself that I am in need of slowing down and smelling the metaphorical roses.
Since I have decided to change my departure from China to sooner than originally anticipated, it is important that I am present with circumstances as much as possible, cause next thing you know I won't be here.

Wayne Coyne, lead singer of The Flaming lips, says it best -

"To derive one's happiness from only specific moments in time is to miss out on the cosmic accident that is all of life's moments..."

His words were in reference to the lyrics and idea behind the song "Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell"


Here is a snippet of the lyrics -

I was waiting on a moment
But the moment never came
All the billion other moments
We're just slipping all away



Just ego tripping

According to the Surrey Public Events calendar, September is: Arthritis Awareness Month; Big Brothers Big Sisters Month; Muscular Dystrophy Month; Ovarian Cancer Month; Breakfast for Learning Month; Healthy Communities Month; and the Kidney Foundation Peanut Campaign. Also, Sept 8 is International Literacy Day, Sept 9 is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) Day, Sept 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day, Sept 16 is both Ocean Net Day and Take Back the Night, and Sept. 21 is the International Day of Peace AS WELL AS World Alzheimer's Day. Don't forget.

WE KICKED ASS! Andrea topped the polls for the non-incumbents nominated (that is to say, was the star of the newbies)... And also and as importantly, there was a great e-night party. A beautiful election-night party, with a degree of sincere and hopeful jubilation common to both the "winners" and the "losers". There were nerds and freaks and kids and the alarmingly stylish, lots of Sikh men in turbans, poltico types in suits and japanese language students and journalists blogging in corners, financial managers and hot young bikesheviks and candidates and their entourages and their (ranging from cucumber cool to sweaty and shaking) campaign managers. I was doing the ersatz hora around Science World with a conga line of Demitri's young greek contingent (to Rah Rah Rasputin), playing with the funky Science World toys, and watching it all unfold. My friends I shit you not it felt in an essential underlying way, like the greatest of all-night raves where the dancefloor is going off and everything, everything, seems possible. Because it is.

from the top
Originally uploaded by heather rocks the casbahweekend updates

1. this was my view yesterday afternoon.

2. i sweat like a pig to get there.

3. today a surprise, phone call from Canada really made my day. (that's you, Lucy!)

4. got an inch cut off my hair. didn't want to leave as the hairdresser gave a great head massage. but I did attract too many people's attention simply by being at the salon. Totally cost of my hour at the salon = $2.30 CAD.

5. have a seven day work week ahead of me, Monday through Sunday and then 7 days off for Golden week, Chinese National holiday.

6. hope to get a 'real' blog post up soon

i don't feel very coherent, so tired.

Home after a fun night - Parent Night at our school.

Week three was a smashing success. Too bad, that I can't fully enjoy it. I am just so damn tired.

Tomorrow off on a day-trip to a county called Huai Rou.

Might get to pick some fruit.

This I am looking forward to.